My Big Thanksgiving Get

I performed my sun salutations this Thanksgiving morning to a radiant sun beaming in through the skylights in my loft. My loft is a space I have designated for my writing and yoga and I adore that room. I had a beautiful two hour yoga practice, worked on my business plan, did some writing and then went for a walk on the beach. The wild winter waves came to my feet and I breathed the cool air deep into my lungs. It was early and my holiday, in this moment and the ones since I'd woken up, was all about me. I felt nothing but gratitude and freedom.

As the minutes ticked away though, so did that sense of freedom. I allowed myself that freedom all the way up to the wire when I threw together some food, grated my finger instead of a carrot and began to melt down. My happy tank was full until I remembered it was not a day off, it was Thanksgiving. I had places to be and people expecting me. Because Thanksgiving is about being around family and friends and eating too much food right? That's what I was about to do, so why was I dreading it? What is wrong with me? I JUST WANT TO STAY HOME AND CONTINUE TO BE HAPPY! Ugh, I'm such a grinch.

I'm getting pretty good at seeing when I'm not being true to myself. In yoga, they call this right knowledge versus wrong knowledge. I've begun to know when I should say, "no, that beer is the one past my limit" or "no, I can't come today because I need some alone time". I can actually hear my inner witness and she is on point. What I haven't learned to do, is listen. I hear that voice very clearly, but I'm not listening to it. I'm not allowing it to be the command center. I'm still letting ego mind keep his job even though inner knowing is obviously the better hire. I hear it say, "that beer is one too many" and drink it anyway. Today, I heard it say, "you're having such a great day owning your freedom, stick with it and don't go to the party" and I went anyway. I suppose with this realization it's time to fire the ego from day to day operations. It's time to let the infinitely smarter wisdom lead.

It took me 33 years to realize Thanksgiving is not my favorite holiday. It's not unrealistic then, that it's taken me that long to hear this powerful voice inside. I'm thankful today because I am aware and conscious of it now and it won't take me another 33 years to listen and live from that center. And next year, maybe I'll go go to the islands for Thanksgiving and have a yoga party. Who's with me?!

Sweet Peace

Today I stopped to smell the roses.  I went for a leisurely walk to the market to pick up some produce and saw that now all the flowers are blooming and the leaves are back on the trees.  The breeze is fragrant and there are bees everywhere.  I stopped every time I saw a pretty bunch of flowers or a rose bush hanging out into the sidewalk.  It made me realize how happy I am inside.  It made me realize how much work I've done uprooting and replanting to get where I am and how much I love the life I'm living.  I am completely free to put together a new vision for my life and to pursue my writing career every single day.  I ride my bike to and from yoga in the mornings and then I read and write all day long.  I'm still in a state of flux and transitioning to a different place, a different career, and into a different person really, but I've never been this happy in my life.

This sense of peace and happiness comes upon me suddenly and frequently lately and every time I sit and reflect on it with gratitude in my heart and a big grin on my face. I think about how proud of myself I am for taking the risk to begin this journey and stick with it when every thought from my ego said (and still says) it was unsafe and ridiculous.

I'm still at the beginning of this journey, though I think I've overcome a lot of the hardest obstacles over the last two years.  It's springtime and I like the idea of comparing life and my own season to spring and bloom and change and renewal.  I'd like my energy to grow with that of the sun on its way into summer and become stronger and stronger as I progress on this path.