I performed my sun salutations this Thanksgiving morning to a radiant sun beaming in through the skylights in my loft. My loft is a space I have designated for my writing and yoga and I adore that room. I had a beautiful two hour yoga practice, worked on my business plan, did some writing and then went for a walk on the beach. The wild winter waves came to my feet and I breathed the cool air deep into my lungs. It was early and my holiday, in this moment and the ones since I'd woken up, was all about me. I felt nothing but gratitude and freedom.
As the minutes ticked away though, so did that sense of freedom. I allowed myself that freedom all the way up to the wire when I threw together some food, grated my finger instead of a carrot and began to melt down. My happy tank was full until I remembered it was not a day off, it was Thanksgiving. I had places to be and people expecting me. Because Thanksgiving is about being around family and friends and eating too much food right? That's what I was about to do, so why was I dreading it? What is wrong with me? I JUST WANT TO STAY HOME AND CONTINUE TO BE HAPPY! Ugh, I'm such a grinch.
I'm getting pretty good at seeing when I'm not being true to myself. In yoga, they call this right knowledge versus wrong knowledge. I've begun to know when I should say, "no, that beer is the one past my limit" or "no, I can't come today because I need some alone time". I can actually hear my inner witness and she is on point. What I haven't learned to do, is listen. I hear that voice very clearly, but I'm not listening to it. I'm not allowing it to be the command center. I'm still letting ego mind keep his job even though inner knowing is obviously the better hire. I hear it say, "that beer is one too many" and drink it anyway. Today, I heard it say, "you're having such a great day owning your freedom, stick with it and don't go to the party" and I went anyway. I suppose with this realization it's time to fire the ego from day to day operations. It's time to let the infinitely smarter wisdom lead.
It took me 33 years to realize Thanksgiving is not my favorite holiday. It's not unrealistic then, that it's taken me that long to hear this powerful voice inside. I'm thankful today because I am aware and conscious of it now and it won't take me another 33 years to listen and live from that center. And next year, maybe I'll go go to the islands for Thanksgiving and have a yoga party. Who's with me?!
As the minutes ticked away though, so did that sense of freedom. I allowed myself that freedom all the way up to the wire when I threw together some food, grated my finger instead of a carrot and began to melt down. My happy tank was full until I remembered it was not a day off, it was Thanksgiving. I had places to be and people expecting me. Because Thanksgiving is about being around family and friends and eating too much food right? That's what I was about to do, so why was I dreading it? What is wrong with me? I JUST WANT TO STAY HOME AND CONTINUE TO BE HAPPY! Ugh, I'm such a grinch.
I'm getting pretty good at seeing when I'm not being true to myself. In yoga, they call this right knowledge versus wrong knowledge. I've begun to know when I should say, "no, that beer is the one past my limit" or "no, I can't come today because I need some alone time". I can actually hear my inner witness and she is on point. What I haven't learned to do, is listen. I hear that voice very clearly, but I'm not listening to it. I'm not allowing it to be the command center. I'm still letting ego mind keep his job even though inner knowing is obviously the better hire. I hear it say, "that beer is one too many" and drink it anyway. Today, I heard it say, "you're having such a great day owning your freedom, stick with it and don't go to the party" and I went anyway. I suppose with this realization it's time to fire the ego from day to day operations. It's time to let the infinitely smarter wisdom lead.
It took me 33 years to realize Thanksgiving is not my favorite holiday. It's not unrealistic then, that it's taken me that long to hear this powerful voice inside. I'm thankful today because I am aware and conscious of it now and it won't take me another 33 years to listen and live from that center. And next year, maybe I'll go go to the islands for Thanksgiving and have a yoga party. Who's with me?!
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