Tuesday, December 25, 2012


2012 has been a rebuilding year for me.  I took my life, turned it upside down, shook everything out, and I'm here now at the end of that exhausting but gratifying process having collected only the pieces of that life I'm prepared to take with me into the future.  I've divested myself in a way that leaves me light enough to travel and it feels good and it feels terrifying.  My poor cat seems a little nervous as well, though fortunately she doesn't have the mechanism to be contemplating her own future.  

For the first time in my life, I am stepping out into life's freefall and the exhilaration is trying to hold out over the fear.  Thus far it's been a winning battle, but now that Christmas is past and the new year and real life are quickly approaching, it's taking a more concentrated effort to overcome that fear.  

In the end, fear is what holds us back from our most passionate dreams and aspirations.  It's important to take a good, long look at that fear and ask yourself what it is that you're so afraid of.  For me, when I get to the root of that irrational fear, I overcome some sort of block every time.  That block is there to help the ego hold us back and since I have learned to recognize it, I have been able to get in touch with my fear faster and more effectively.

So what am I afraid of?  What is the fear building up inside of me at this moment making me second guess all the preparations I've made to be standing at this scenic jumping off point?  When I close my eyes and tune into my body, my heart feels at peace.  The fear, the anxiety, and the discomfort is all in my mind.  My head feels heavy and cloudy and unable to come up with a decision on the easiest choice points.  Knowing that this fear is in my head, in my mind, and feeling that warm peace in my heart, I can begin to pull out each irrational fear, look at it, and confidently divest myself of it, just as I have divested myself of all the other things in my life this year that do not serve me.  

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