Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Freefall

2012 has been a rebuilding year for me.  I took my life, turned it upside down, shook everything out, and I'm here now at the end of that exhausting but gratifying process having collected only the pieces of that life I'm prepared to take with me into the future.  I've divested myself in a way that leaves me light enough to travel and it feels good and it feels terrifying.  My poor cat seems a little nervous as well, though fortunately she doesn't have the mechanism to be contemplating her own future.  

For the first time in my life, I am stepping out into life's freefall and the exhilaration is trying to hold out over the fear.  Thus far it's been a winning battle, but now that Christmas is past and the new year and real life are quickly approaching, it's taking a more concentrated effort to overcome that fear.  

In the end, fear is what holds us back from our most passionate dreams and aspirations.  It's important to take a good, long look at that fear and ask yourself what it is that you're so afraid of.  For me, when I get to the root of that irrational fear, I overcome some sort of block every time.  That block is there to help the ego hold us back and since I have learned to recognize it, I have been able to get in touch with my fear faster and more effectively.

So what am I afraid of?  What is the fear building up inside of me at this moment making me second guess all the preparations I've made to be standing at this scenic jumping off point?  When I close my eyes and tune into my body, my heart feels at peace.  The fear, the anxiety, and the discomfort is all in my mind.  My head feels heavy and cloudy and unable to come up with a decision on the easiest choice points.  Knowing that this fear is in my head, in my mind, and feeling that warm peace in my heart, I can begin to pull out each irrational fear, look at it, and confidently divest myself of it, just as I have divested myself of all the other things in my life this year that do not serve me.  

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Packing for the Next Leg of my Life Journey

Upon my return to the states a few weeks ago after 3 months abroad, I was confronted with the reality that I needed to regroup, visit my west coast storage unit, and prepare for an altogether different kind of journey.  I needed to prepare for an open ended kind of journey, one in which I had no idea how long I'd be gone, what kind of climate I'd be in, what I'd be doing for a living, who I'd meet or see along the way.  It's a unique experience to pack for the unknown.  It's one I welcomed with open and excited arms.

After a few days reflecting on the process ahead, I decided I needed to make a list.  Not the kind of list you immediately think of that includes things like 2 pairs of jeans, 5 t-shirts, travel hair dryer, lots of chapstick...I know all of that by heart at this point.  What I needed to list, were the kinds of experiences I needed to pack for and a list of the traits I wanted to embody with the items I packed.  I decided that everything I packed and, just as importantly, everything I left behind, must  fit the new ideal vision I had for my life.  And so I created my list of experiences to pack for.  It's in my journal and it looks like this:

Warmth
Love
Fun
Writing
Flexibility
Travel
Surrender
Spirituality
Yoga
Learning
Challenges
Inspiration
New Relationships
Peace
Happiness
Abundance
Adventure

My second list is titled And Who do I Want to Be? It looks like this:

Feminine
Kind
Loving
Honest
Healthy
Nurturing
Affectionate
Warm
Sexy
Smart
Clever
Funny
Adventurous

Every piece of clothing, every accessory, every token and trinket I packed into my two bags was chosen with care and careful consideration for the intended road ahead.  Every piece fits one of these intentions for my journey.  I want to feel and chase every single one of my new dreams.  I plan to be very deliberate and have strong intentions for the moves I make now, and with the items and pieces of me I have packed, I feel fully prepared.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

New Beginnings

Last year, right about this time, my biggest intention in life was to be exactly where I sit today, living a life of freedom and of choices. I went from living in a condo in LA and working jobs I didn't enjoy to pay my mortgage, to living out of bi-coastal storage units. I am traveling light these days and come January, for the first time in my life, I have no plan.  I can go wherever, whenever I like and I have no ties that bind.  It's an exhilarating feeling that is a force for my type A ego to reckon with.

I spent the last 3 months on the road in New Mexico, Fiji, Tasmania, and New Zealand working a contract job that was a perfect jumping off point for my desired lifestyle.  I've traveled like this before for my work, but this time when I left for my travels, I began knowing this was a start to a new way of life and I really leaned into it like I never have before.  I had no home or apartment to come back to, I didn't live anywhere except where I happened to be staying at that moment.  I began to feel more at home on the road, healthier, happier, and more at peace than I do when I land in Los Angeles or New York or Kansas City...anywhere people ask me what my "plan" is.  I have no plan.  My plan is no plan!  I find people don't like it when I tell them that; they get scared.  They not only get scared for me, I think deep down they get scared that they gave up the ability to have "no plan" somewhere along the way.  The truth is, if you live in the moment, looking at every day, every hour, every minute, as an opportunity to think outside the box and to get creative with even the smallest, most insignificant decisions, you too can claim the "no plan" agenda and see where the year, month, week, day or the hour takes you.