Friday, June 21, 2013

Constancy and Change

The river is flowing a different direction today.  It’s funny how quickly something seemingly so constant can just.....change.  It's made me realize, that there is no such thing as constancy or predictability and nothing should be taken for granted in its present state.  In reality, change is its own constant state, isn't it?  Our bodies change, our relationships change, our surroundings change.  We resist the audacity of change, but sometimes we fail to see that things become stagnant if they stay the same for too long.  To avoid stagnation, we must constantly reinvent ourselves and our circumstances.  Renewal is what keeps us evolving and alive.  

Adversity through change offers a unique opportunity for learning.  When we get too comfortable with something or with someone, we feel a sense of mastery and we get bored.  Life becomes dull and, sometimes without realizing it, we being to reach for something new and better.  The universe pays attention to these cues and sends us in new directions.  It sends us new people and new experiences to give us fresh perspective, knowledge, and wisdom.  I feel we are duty bound to use this wisdom to contribute to, encourage, and inspire others along the way.  You see, those of us strong enough to do so, must press forward through the bullshit and the pain.  We must be a guiding light to others and lead them out of the darkness.  When they see, they will believe, that there is a way out.  When they witness the broken trail and see that we've come through, they will be more likely to begin their own journey knowing there is greatness and life on the other side.

Being forced into change is like being pushed, fully clothed, into the water.  That moment of lost control is scary and it takes seemingly long, certainly agonizing moments to rise to the surface and get our bearings.  But as humans, we are built to survive.  We may even find the ground beneath our feet once we have time to take some deep breaths and assess the situation.  Next thing you know, you're having a lovely swim on a sunny day and forgotten you had no intention of going into the water.  Your view of the world and, of your surroundings, has changed and evolved and now, you’re a swimmer.  In the river.  That is flowing a different direction today.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Building My Foundation

It's adversity, obstacles, and challenges that help us discover what we're made of.  Some of us need to challenge ourselves hard to get close enough to touch that inner essence of who we are.  I'm one of those people and the challenge I've set for myself here has brought me closer that I've ever been.  The emotion that comes up for me regularly these days, is a result of being so tuned in, so close to that raw center of self.  Nothing I've ever done has challenged me in this way and it's so important, crucial even, that I don't contract away in fear from the temporary pain of transition.

I'm building a foundation here.  Too many times I have moved into a center that didn't quite fit.  Either the place or the setting or the experience wasn't right.  This time I am building the experience from the roots, exactly as I want it to be.  It's back breaking work, but in the end I will be able to wipe away the blood, sweat, and tears and admire the stuff I'm made of and the dream life I've created.  It will have been built by me, for me, with purpose and passion.  Wherever I live after this home within me has been built, will be my true home and I can live in it wherever I choose.

I must remind myself in my weakest moments, that I am strong and supported, determined and capable.  This is my choice.  This is my calling.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Settling In

The sun is shining this morning and I woke up in my own bed.  I can't imagine a better start to my day after spending three weeks in an empty apartment on an air mattress, walking a mile to work every day in the rain.  My bike is here, my bed is here, all my things (though not all in one piece) are here and the trauma caused by my movers yesterday is now in the past.  Most of my life is still in boxes and my apartment looks like a tornado came through, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel where I'm settled and back to some semblance of routine.

In retrospect, I can see it was part of the master plan that I have three weeks in my empty apartment to settle into a work schedule and be forced out and about making new friends.  If I had been able to come home after my long days of standing at Rite Aid or in the restaurant, I may have spent my evenings hibernating in my bed putting my feet up.  As it was, being "home" in an empty apartment, furnished only with an air mattress was just too depressing.  So I was at the cafe seeing new friends in the mornings an out at the pub having dinner and introducing myself around my little neighborhood (and signing karaoke at the American Legion) after work.  During that time, I met the people who comforted me yesterday after the aforementioned movers had gone...people I consider friends.

Now that I have a home full of my creature comforts (somewhere), I can get back to my normal cooking and writing schedule and the prospect of that feels really good.  Most importantly, my feet and legs have acclimated from a decade of desk jobs to standing for 8 hours a day and I'm ready to settle into my new jobs and my new life.