Constancy and Change

The river is flowing a different direction today.  It’s funny how quickly something seemingly so constant can just.....change.  It's made me realize, that there is no such thing as constancy or predictability and nothing should be taken for granted in its present state.  In reality, change is its own constant state, isn't it?  Our bodies change, our relationships change, our surroundings change.  We resist the audacity of change, but sometimes we fail to see that things become stagnant if they stay the same for too long.  To avoid stagnation, we must constantly reinvent ourselves and our circumstances.  Renewal is what keeps us evolving and alive.  

Adversity through change offers a unique opportunity for learning.  When we get too comfortable with something or with someone, we feel a sense of mastery and we get bored.  Life becomes dull and, sometimes without realizing it, we being to reach for something new and better.  The universe pays attention to these cues and sends us in new directions.  It sends us new people and new experiences to give us fresh perspective, knowledge, and wisdom.  I feel we are duty bound to use this wisdom to contribute to, encourage, and inspire others along the way.  You see, those of us strong enough to do so, must press forward through the bullshit and the pain.  We must be a guiding light to others and lead them out of the darkness.  When they see, they will believe, that there is a way out.  When they witness the broken trail and see that we've come through, they will be more likely to begin their own journey knowing there is greatness and life on the other side.

Being forced into change is like being pushed, fully clothed, into the water.  That moment of lost control is scary and it takes seemingly long, certainly agonizing moments to rise to the surface and get our bearings.  But as humans, we are built to survive.  We may even find the ground beneath our feet once we have time to take some deep breaths and assess the situation.  Next thing you know, you're having a lovely swim on a sunny day and forgotten you had no intention of going into the water.  Your view of the world and, of your surroundings, has changed and evolved and now, you’re a swimmer.  In the river.  That is flowing a different direction today.

Catching Waves

No experience in my life has made me feel more alone than yesterday, when I opened the door to my new, empty apartment in a town where I know no one.  Fresh off the boat from LA, my first day in Seaside was surreal and filled with"what the hell am I doing?" moments.  Scarlett was freaked out (I found her wide-eyed, hiding in the loft on a shelf) and her discomfort added to my own.

I picked up a few creature comforts and smudged the new place with sage but, still feeling angsty, I went down to the water and watched the ocean for a while.  Tears welled as I announced my presence to her and told her about my hopes and dreams and asked that she watch over me and keep me safe and happy and inspired.  It's truly amazing the powerful affect the ocean and nature have on my psyche and emotional well being these days.  I walked away from my new view feeling connected and centered, having approached it anxious, lonely, and afraid.

This morning, I picked up a peppermint tea in an adorable cafe around the corner from my new apartment.  The girl behind the counter asked where I was visiting from and I told her I'd just moved in a couple blocks away and that I was from Los Angeles.  Everyone's eyes get wide when I tell them I've relocated from LA and they mumble something about culture shock.  I sat down to sip my tea and a couple with a baby next to me welcomed me to town.  Aurora and Lucas had moved from the Los Angeles area eight years before to an even smaller Oregon coastal town before moving here to Seaside two years ago.  Judging from their son Rorick's stature, maybe just before he was born.

"It was tough getting used to the idea that this is not like other coastal areas."  Aurora said with a smirk.

It was my turn to speak, but I wasn't sure what she meant by that.  Did she mean it was a terrible place to live?  Was she telling me I'd made a huge mistake?

Glancing out the window I said hopefully, "You mean the weather?"

"Yeah."  Lucas nodded.

I realized I had been holding my breath until he answered.  I let it go, relieved.  It's May and it was cold and drizzling outside.

"I don't mind this weather so much."  I replied.

I did wonder though, how long it will take me to miss the beating California sun.  I was wearing a heavy fleece and stocking cap.  Two days before I had worn sunscreen and a tank top.

I exchanged parting pleasantries with Lucas and Aurora and walked down to the water.  The rolling waves had made me feel so much better the evening prior and I needed to fill my happy tank before moving on to my day of errands.  As I walked along the water, the rain spit harder and harder.  Instead of racing home, I continued down the sand and then moved up to the boardwalk, sipping my mint tea and taking in my new surroundings.  The walk was cathartic and I felt as if the rain was at work cleansing me of the past.

My life in LA is feeling farther and farther away with each adjustment I make to small town beach life.  I feel inspired and, this morning, I actually did begin walking faster, though it wasn't to get out of the rain.  I was anxious to get home and catch a new wave of creativity.