A few interactions lately have left me feeling completely disconnected from the people in my life. It seems the further along I travel on the path to my true purpose, the fewer people on the old path can relate to me or understand what I'm trying to do or where I'm trying to go. This goes back to the previous post when I talked about being a new person in an old set of circumstances. I'm surrounded by people who only knew how to connect with the person I was when my ego controlled my identity. Sadly, I'm realizing that they were more comfortable with me then. Now they look at me like I've gone off the deep end when I talk to them about my life. These interactions create all kinds of self doubt and I begin wondering how I became so far removed from the desires and reality of the general populace. When I have these conversations, my ego subtly creeps into my consciousness and starts asking me scary questions like, "What's wrong with you that you all the sudden don't want the same things in life as everyone else?" The whole experience exhausts me emotionally and I end up in a downward spiral, questioning myself and my motivations and the plans I've made for an unsure future.
Fortunately, I have a few long time friends who are on paths like mine, seeking their own purpose and a greater sense of fulfillment in life. Going through this together, though each at a different pace and with very different aspirations, allows us to relate to each other in new ways that are richer, more meaningful, and more supportive. These special friendships are growing deeper and the foundation stronger as our lives move forward and we manifest a new kind of reality.
I am also fortunate that there are new people in my life who know me only for who I've become since my transformation began. Now, when I meet people, I am connecting on a deeper level and in a new way. They see me and know me for who I am behind the cloud of my ego because my authenticity is shining through brighter than ever. I am drawing in like minded people who understand the importance of living in personal integrity; who know what it takes to make themselves happy and thrive. This energy is contagious and the more of these people I surround myself with, the stronger I feel. The more of us who come together, the more powerful and widespread this new way of living and thinking becomes and that excites me. I feel a little like we are a group of pioneers in a time when people around the world are coming into deeper consciousness and beginning to understand themselves and their dreams like never before. People like us are going out to test the waters and test the boundaries of this kind of life and are happy and thrilled to do it...because once we succeed, there will be more. People in our lives will see our success and our lives full of passion and follow in our footsteps.
This is my process. My evolution into a more authentic, conscious individual involves many ups and downs. For all the lost connections, I have gained many astounding teachers and a confidence in my convictions. Among many things, I have learned how to turn inward for solace and answers to my ego's scary questions. My own depth of wisdom increases with this kind of growth and, although I know I will never stop having doubts, I also know I will never again be blind to my true aspirations and all the possibilities that life has to offer.